Busting my bad mood

Hola familia!

I hope everyone is doing well. I'm sitting here with a sinus headache out of this world. Yikes! Not so happy to report that I accidentally/on purpose had three margaritas on Friday night. I went out with a couple of friends and forgot about one of my sacrifices until after the pitcher was already purchased. Instead of wasting margarita, I partook.

I've also been cursing, although not as much as usual. Every day, I've been trying to reflect on the reasons I curse and/or lose my temper (I often curse when I'm happy or trying to be funny/ironic. It's not just an anger thing; however, foul language is most powerful ie. offensive when it's spoken in anger.) and find out what I can do to change that. Why exactly am I angry? Often the answer is that I'm being selfish. Something isn't happening fast enough for me. Or I'm doing something (unproductive) and I'm being interrupted. I'm in a bad mood, even if it's because of something serious, and I snap at whomever happens to be in my way. How is that person supposed to know that I'm frustrated with something (especially since I am a relatively private person)? Pure selfishness and disregard for others' feelings.

One of the solutions to my low-tolerance for interruption and irritation is to stop being a control freak and be more optimistic. If something is out of my control, it's just out of my control and there's I can do about it. It's not written in the Bible (or the Lotus Sutra for my Buddhist peeps) that one is not to be irritated. Or that every plan or idea is to go perfectly. Or that your kid isn't supposed to become obsessed with jumping rope and jump all over the house even when you have a pounding headache. In fact, in the case of the Bible, it says quite the opposite (not sure what the consensus is on the jump-roping). Who am I to think my life should be any different? Hubris, anyone?

For some reason, the Lent is way harder for me than last year. I'm just not into it, and I'm totally unfocused. This is to be expected as I've felt like I've been just floating through life these past few months. Hopefully, these next few weeks will help me refocus on my life with purpose.